| The past, the present, and the future. |
[07 Apr 2007|01:01am] |
A lot has happened in the last year and some. Things that people on the outside pass off as "life" and to be entirely honest, thats more or less how I see it too. My perception is a little different than most peoples' I suppose. I moved a lot as a kid (not as much as your usual military family, mind you) and, my family was more or less ruled by my mom. If she read that, she'd be rather upset, I think, but thats the way it was. Things went someone else's way, and thats just how it was. You learn to live with it. So you don't let things bother you. Let them slide. Move on.
That can really have a bad effect on one's personal life. But it also helps you deal with things that happen that can't be helped.
In my life there have been a lot of changes-- some for the best, some for the worse. I may have a skewed view on things sometimes, but I like to think that I can produce, atleast in hind sight, a good change in myself in the end. From fucked up relationships to lost friendships, the last few months, even, have been a good bit rougher emotionally than I like to let through. But I know I have you, now, Karen. I've grown up some thanks to you, and I've become a better person, more resolve and more heartfelt in my actions that I was before. The things that I lost in my past I see in you. The mistakes I've made in the past I've learned from. I've grown from my errors and I can see it. I've loved every day I've had with you, and miss you every day I don't have you. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I will learn from them just like I've learned from these others. I'm so thankful to you for showing me that my limits were self-imposed, and for opening me up as much as you have. I'm not as afraid of my own choices anymore, and I'm more sure-footed with my steps. Thanks to you.
I love you Karen, and I miss you.
See you soon.
(PS- the boba was all weird-squishy and not very good... see, learning!)
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[09 Oct 2006|02:04am] |
not creative my ass...
i should draw that in paint, too....
EDIT:
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| Inspiration to live, pulse and warmth aside. |
[09 Sep 2006|07:31pm] |
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((Mush Warning-- I don't want to hear any bitching, you've been warned.))
Growing as a person is part of life, so what happens when someone reaches a sort of stagnation? Does their life, effectively, stop? If you're not making any progress with yourself-- learning, becoming a better person, finding your direction, or finding once again the things you'd previously lost, then what is the point of all your efforts: all your endeavours, your trials, and especially, your successes?
My life is/was something of a child's ride at an amusement park. It was for little ones, not prepared or challenged enough to reach a higher peak. Everything, as you've put it, was easy. Nothing in my life was truly difficult. I didn't try hard in school, I've been a Barista for almost 4 years now, and my last relationship was in a way that it required little upkeep. All these things were because I was able to settle for the middle ground. I could settle for Bs, I could settle for 7.52, I could settle for not settling. Until you.
( Words I've previously tried to weave around. )
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[01 Jun 2006|07:06pm] |
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Karen reminded me that I'm unreliable. Neither of us know why.
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[27 Feb 2006|05:33am] |
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There is an excellent chance that I will be incredibly disappointed in someone. Necesitamos hablar, amigo. Straighten some mierda out.
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[20 Feb 2006|04:22am] |
Huy, update your Myspace info:
"In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No, but I must change this."
Also, I'd like to say thank you:
"Hindsight is 20/20, John. As was, ironically, the shotgun the Vice President used to shoot his friend, a 78 year old man-- in what can only be described as... his face."
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[25 Dec 2005|09:20am] |
Tony, the Christmas Ruiner.
Three Christmases down. You have to be someone I really care about, so any other takers?
C'mon, its still early. At this rate, I can ruin 5 or 6 more.
---------
Tony's Emo. That is all.
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[03 Dec 2005|03:28pm] |
HOly crap, I shaved.
Just to see what it looked like, I removed my fur. I look like a doofus! AWESOME. Haha, no, I guess its not that bad, but my coolfactor dropped about 4 out of 10 points. That puts me at -2.
Shucks.
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| OI VEY |
[29 Nov 2005|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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Exhausted but Content |
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music |
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Rage Against the Machine - I'm Housin' |
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Oh mah gosh, like, Huy and Karen, I totally can see that I'm coming between you two. I TOOOTALLY didn't want to, you know, like, do that! Oh mah gosh.
Back in highschool, like, two years from now, I had this rotation thing going between my three boyfriends at the time. Maybe we can do that, like, and it might, like, work. That would be super! Oh mah gosh. I can get all angry at Huy for being such a tease, then take out all my agression on Karen. Wow, I can totally work with that, like, totally. Now you two, dont fight, cuz like, I'd hate for you two to be all jealous of eachother and like, hate eachother.. *hair twirl* Like, oh mah gosh.
For those of you who don't know, .. uh.. good. =p And yes, this post is a joke. And yes, I AM insane tonight. Because I'm god damned tired. Last night was pretty crazy, but it worked out okay, I guess. This morning came too early, [Damnit Huy, even the MORNING is becoming more and more like you every day.(yes, that was a premature ejaculation joke)] working GameStop was cake and I got to work with Marco, who is damn cool, so I enjoyed myself. Then I got home at 6:25 with about 15 minutes to eat before leaving for Starbucks so I warmed up some pizza from Olive Garden, drank a little juice, and headed out for the second half of my day. I worked with Vania and Britni, so things weren't too bad, and we got out on time, which is extra points. We did a great job tonight and weren't too busy, so we rock. Now I'm home, wearing glasses for the first time in about a year (cuz I just got them and figured I should wear them atleast once, just to see what its like). And now I'm gonna jump on AIM, talk to some people, watch some anime, download bleach, watch that, then go. the fuck. to sleep.
Yay for another 8 hours at work tomorrow!
-----EDIT-----
Britni made me a Half Black, Half Passion Tea Lemonade before she poured it all out... She mistook the Iced Coffee for Black Tea.. so now I have a Passion Tea Coffee Lemonade. It tastes weird.. kinda bad, but I'm gonna drink some anyway, see if I warm up to it.
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[29 Nov 2005|02:21am] |
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mood |
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Concerned |
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music |
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311 - Still Dreaming |
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Karen, I've got a long day tomorrow and might not be able to pick up, but call me when you get the chance. So I can be sure that you're alright.
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| I know I know I know.... right? |
[28 Nov 2005|11:13pm] |
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mood |
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Decisive but Unsure |
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music |
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311 - Beyond the Gray Sky |
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Choices, decisions, causes, effects... Always want whats best, hoping for everything to work out perfectly, and it never does. Nothings perfect and I should know that. My dad told me once that I'm always going to get let down a little in life. No choices resulted in EXACTLY what I've wanted, but can I accept that? Can I take what I consider partial failures due to MY choices and call them over-all successes because we're all still living life? First that, now this. I don't want to be what there already was. I don't want to get what I've already had.
Maybe this makes a little sense.
They're definately different. The past and the present. But whats already happened could happen again, and I'd just be held responsible again. Responsibility-- not ready for that yet. Well, I'm ready for it, but I don't want it.
I know what I want... I know what I don't want. What I want is there now, and what I don't want I wont be able to see until its too late. Thats what worries me. But I know I don't want to worry about it, either. I know what I don't want.
-----EDIT-----
Jesus, I'm so fucking EMO.
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[14 Nov 2005|04:23am] |
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mood |
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Little Tired, but happy |
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Best weekend I've had in a long time. See Onebutton's LJ for details. =p
Things that stood out:
- I'm still capable of making fun of Huy's stereotypical genetic heritance, but really dont want to think about it. (DAMN YOU KAREN)
- Huy has some really cool friends and its very much a shame that they don't live anywhere near him. I can understand that situation rather well, what with all the moving I've done in the past.
- Crow is VERY solid. And Tekken 5 is based a lot on luck.
- I have a lot of bad luck when it comes to Tekken Tournaments. =p
- Huy has little ocular self control. (HER EYES ARE UP THERE!) "rahful"
Recently:
After such a great weekend, its back to the daily grind. Worked for 8 today and it was busy as freaking hell. The register person on my shift today dropped over a GRAND in just her drop alone. My biggest drop EVER was just over 550 bucks. Also, to do with work, Wendy (one of the new girls) is awesome. She's like a mixture between Bernetta, Ryan (Russ), and Linda. It was her, BJ, and me closing tonight and I had a blast. We got out way late, but we had a lot of fun.
While I was doing the dishes today, I thought I was coughing up blood. In all reality, I was, but the blood didn't originate in my lungs (which is very good). Atleast, I dont think it was. Post-Nasal Drip + Randomly bloody nose + cough + chest ache = Not as bad as you think. I think the bloody nose was from dry air PLUS coughing so much that it built up pressure and the weaker blood vessles in my nose ruptured. Oh hey, I just sneezed a few times and its bleeding again. Although it looked kind of cool (like a movie or something), facial hair + tickle in your nose + bleeding = Bad. (Wow, so many formulae.)
I need to stop swearing so much. Its a bad habit and people actually care sometimes. I should respect that.
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| And now, for your Anthony's Anime Update. |
[09 Nov 2005|03:39am] |
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mood |
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Tired... and I always will be. |
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Disclaimer: The Tony you know isn't the real Tony. He is a projection of Tony's true form, but not entirely whole. The Tony you all DON'T know sits in his room literally ALL day watching pimpshit anime, so engrossed in the plots, characters, images, and all-around-asskickfulness that he forgets to eat.... Gah, I wish.. Good anime is hard to find in one sitting...
Damnit, I wanna finish both anime series I'm watching. One I just started (called Peacemaker) and the other is Bleach.
Holy shit, Bleach is getting GOOD. The grudge match between the fourth(possibly second.. #2 and 3 are there because their abilities compliment eachother and always roll together) strongest captain and Ichigo is getting serious. Animefans will recognize such a point where the underdog (Ichigo) calls the EvilDoer (Byakuya) out, demanding that they use their full strength. Ahh mah gah next episode is gonna be freaking pimp.. Ichigo's gonna start up calling out his Bankai and the episode is gonna end, but its gonna be fucking awesome to watch Byakuya think he's got the upper hand because he doesn't think Ichigo can call his Bankai. Ohmphguh (IE omfg). Also, one of the side battles (there are three going on at the moment: Captain #1 vs Captains 2+3; Yourichi-san vs Soi Fon; and Ichigo vs Byakuya) is a pretty good piece of plot where in two rather attractive animated chicks duke it out hardcore. Yourichi is a total badass(, is mischeivous, and hot as hell). Thats just the beginning of how much I love this series, successful defeat after successful defeat. Oh I'm a black hole of Fan-boi-ism.
Next up is Peacemaker. I'm getting the series one disc at a time from Netflix. I got the first disc today and watched all four episodes. Its fairly light-hearted and rather similar to Naruto without the millenia of filler. Young, hasteful boy applies to the Shinsengumi (Local police, protectors of the Magistrate, etc etc) in hopes of becoming strong enough to avenge his father. His older brother (the foil to his immaturity) also enlists but as a pencil-pusher, to have a job and to look after his brother. Boy is too immature to control himself (and thusly gets in lots of trouble) but his resolve to becoming stronger keeps him in a relative check. Eps 1-4 hint at his possible opportunity to get his revenge, his Bad-Guy counterpart [also a young (obviously more skillful) boy on the wrong side], and hints on much deeper running river of corruptness and enemy parties who are not yet obvious to the Rebel Alliance. All in all, the kid reminds me of Kenji (Kenshin's son) or that kid who inherits the Mitsurugi style from Kenshin at the dojo in the series. Dedication, purpose, ignorant willingness to throw away his humanity to reach his goal, but too little immaturity for real commitment.
Finally, Elfen Lied is still in my head. Lucy is hot. She's inhuman but human all the same. And I sympathetically hurt for both her and Kouta for more things and in more ways than I can even explain. Shit that was a good series...
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[07 Nov 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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nervous |
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music |
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the sound of a boy's mind when stretched thin. |
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Long day. Got up this afternoon to a phone call asking when I was coming into work today. You see, Ryan (Russ) and I had arranged to cover this girl's shift. I understood it that he would work from 230 to 430 and I'd pick up from 430 to 11pm. He understood it the opposite. So yeah, I got there at 315, and worked until 10-ish (when I got to go home early.) Not bad though, I guess. Easy time at work, got 34 hours this week, so I'm gonna BANK the next check I get. It'll be nice.
Shortly after the phone call, I leave for work and notice two pieces of paper on my door. "Official Demand to Vacate Notice." FUCK. So, as I was already late for work, I stopped by to pay off "whatever WE owe." Owed another 90 dollars so I payed it out and booked it to work. Upon revision, paying that bill didn't mean squat. We are still required to VACATE by the 10th. So JT and I are going in to beg them to let us stay. I fucking hope this helps JT to understand that he's got to actually PAY his shit, and not just let it sit. Okay, thats all shitty and stuff, and its not all.
I check our mail on the way home to find an oddly timed CPS bill. "I know I missed one bill," I think, "but.. err.." So I open it, and the usually blue coloration of the bill is now red. They're turning off our power unless we pay atleast half of our bill. Due Total: 444.80. Holy fucking shit.
But, right now, the energy bill has been completely paid off (A crippling $445 from my savings account, and I'll be depositing a check from JT for 280 on friday, when we get paid.), the crappy Starbucks shift is over, and the only loose end left is a meeting tomorrow at 1:30 with the Amesbury people to ask them nicely to let us fucking live in our apartment again. If they don't let us... Jesus Christ, I don't know what I'll do...
Shit.
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[04 Nov 2005|08:04pm] |
Yeah. Stuffs goin down.
Got Trashday coming up next week and I'm excited (but will get completely slaughtered). Thats okay though, it'll be fun and I'll get to chill with some interesting people. Work on my T5 skills a little. o.0
Workin a good bit and since the holidays are coming around, I'll likely be working a good bit more. We're putting on some Payroll weight to cope with the "festivities" and the new kids seem alright. Starbucks training is kind of Fight Club style. They show up as soft dough and the job eventually hardens them out. This holiday season should be pretty smooth, though , but there's never any way to tell.
Been watching a lot of anime since in WoW I'm unguilded and that game is as boring as BALLS at 60 with no guild and no driving desire to PvP. But a couple friends of mine from Sargeras rolled on Shattered Hand because Exid(HWLJ [High Warlord John]) traded his rank14 rogue for a full-judgement pally. I think he could have gotten better but he traded nothing to do, phat lewtz Exid for a pally that he can actually work on and do stuff with (its in a guild, zomg). Plus, he got 200 bucks from the guy through Paypal. Hawt.
So I've mostly been watching my Anime series, freaking out about how good it is (STILL cant get Elfen Lied out of my head. I randomly think of scenes from it, and it always goes back to the end, with Lucy, [and her kickass outfit. hawtness] and it drills itself deeper in my head.), working, and playing my new lvl 15 hunter on Shattered Hand. Nelf, fools, rep'zent.
--------
Huy and Tori just left after quite a length of Tekken. Trashday is coming and I'm still WAY too scrubby. I'm saying the same crap i did when i was first learning how to play and I haven't learned from it yet. Innate Scrubbiness + Tournament Jitters + 20 thousand people knowing my scrubbiness = DJ1N DOWN!
Will be hanging with folks tomorrow. Gimme a ring if ya needs. Oh crap, I DO have plans tomorrow... Ah, I'll call peoples early and let them know. Hum.
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[02 Nov 2005|05:10am] |
I get so depressed late at night..
Thought of the moment: I'll never be who or what I want to be, so why bother?
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